Happy (falling into pits with unscrupulous looking elves) Christmas!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, mine consisted of seeing my family, giving gifts, and fleeing from space gnats, I'll have to write about it sometime. Here's another wallpaper for your desktop!

At least he was wearing clothes!

Yesterday evening was quite pleasant. I took a walk and just enjoyed my evening. However, that was quickly ruined by a stereotypically jolly fat man. Of course, this being so close to the season of Christmas I should have foreseen a seasonal-related adventure in my future. However I did not, at least not until Santa Claus himself rode up on a motorcycle! He stopped right in front of me and grinned. “Hello there Faux.” I looked him right in his icy blue eyes. “Santa?” He nodded. “Yes indeed.” I sighed. “What's with the bike, shouldn't you be really busy right now?” He stared at me and then motioned to his wheels. “Oh this thing? The elves built it for me, I just couldn't give it up.” I nodded in response and hesitantly continued this odd conversation. “Don't you have a whole other 51 weeks in the year to ride that?” His grin vanished. “What are you saying?” I didn't reply. “Are you saying I'm a slacker because I'm on this bike?” I held my lounge. “Well if that IS what you are saying than you would be RIGHT in assuming I'm a slacker and that I am ESCAPING my duties as Santa Claus FOREVER.” I nodded again. “Okay well whatever, it's not like I really believed in you anyway.” The fat man continued. “But you are making me understand my responsibilities, I'm beginning to grasp the MAGNITUDE of a Santa-less world. In fact, you are so convincing that I no longer even feel FIT to do my job. In fact, you are CONVINCING me that YOU would do a much better job.” “Santa what?” “Yes, you are CLEARLY the best person for the job Faux, I trust you know what to do, here's my huge sack full of STUFF for everybody, I know you won't fail the entire WORLD.” “WHAT!?! Santa, firstly what is with all the emphasis on so many words, you talk really lame-like. Secondly I never even said anything about taking your job, I was just saying that you probably shouldn't be taking breaks right now.” “No no, it is TOO LATE for me now Faux, with TEARS in my eyes I depart from you, FAREWELL new Santa...” Santa finished as he revved up his engine and drove away. I was suddenly left with all of the gifts and a really long list, standing in the middle of the road. “This is ridiculous.” I thought. “This Santa guy is a jerk...” I had no idea what to do, I couldn't even move the bag. But just at that moment a postman was driving by. At once I had an idea and quickly took care of this strange problem. I had to by about 3 billion padded envelopes but I finally managed to send all of the gifts via the postal service. Now I'm going to make a cup of Basil's tea, because seriously this whole episode has made me a little more likely to boycott Santa next year...

!!!

I looked to the door. “Who is it?” I asked. No one answered. “Basil, hold that thought.” I said as I moved to open the door. I began to turn the knob and suddenly Basil stood up. “Wait!!” But it was too late. I found, when I opened the door, a beautiful lady. “Why hello dears, I am the EXCLAMATION SIREN!” I looked at Basil expecting an explanation. “Well there was a beggar woman back near mount Rococo. I gave her a bit of the eternitea and suddenly she became the exclamation siren.” He shook his head. “She leveled an entire village with her mastery of the exclamation point.” “How?” Bella asked. “There are rules. You see, one denotes surprise and/or shock...nothing too bad. Two, creates an unquenchable urge to thrash drums, gnash spoons, and smash trailers. Three places one into a state of coma and four...four causes death...” I turned to look at this creature, suddenly she did not seem quite so beautiful. “How do you get around exclamation points, what's the loophole?” I asked. Basil scratched his head. “Well, it was an invisible number of sorts, you kind of have to just recognize the fact that between every exclamation point there is an invisible number that neutralizes it. When you can see that you will be safe.” The siren lifted her arms and behind her faint images of exclamation appeared. I began to feel the urge to kill something. But then, I began to see, superimposed over every point...the number 5. “Siren!” I shouted. “You have no power over exclamation here!!” She flinched. “I know the secret of the invisible 5!” She twitched and suddenly screamed as she turned and bolted out the front door and into the street. I have no idea where she went from there, but spread the news of the invisible 5, she may be coming for you....

I doubt it...

Basil looked at Bella as he began telling his tale. “You see, while on my travels I heard of seven varieties of legendary tea. They were the first kinds, hidden long ago for they carried with them, great power. The kind you hold in your hands is a variety said to extend the life of anyone who drinks a cup. There is a story of an African king who found this tea and hid it. He ruled for a thousand years.” “What happened to him?” Bella asked. “Well, he ruled for so long that he forgot what it was like to have the notion of death over your head. He became distant from the people and began ruling badly. Eventually they found the source of tea and drowned him. However, the people deemed the tea to be a thing of the gods and placed it a high mountain.” “How did you get it then?” I questioned him. He looked at me and smiled. “I went to that village.” With a wave of his hand he explained that during the French invasion in Africa there was a mountain which they named the Rococo mountain. “Rococo? Like the French style of painting?” I asked skeptically. “Indeed, it was the favorite style of art, named by the French commander who took control of the land.” He shook his head. “Anyway, to the French this mountain was legendary for some reason, there was a great treasure, rumored to be at its peak. This peak, was quite impossible to reach. Some people told me it was guarded by a French pirate who wished to continue his life and refused to yield this ultimate booty. I went to that village and spoke to the mayor. He led me far out into the bush and left me, saying that I would find the people I seek. I sat there all day, and all night, never moving, even through the heat and the cold. And then, just before daybreak a crowd of shadows gathered around me. They asked me what I desired. I told them what I sought and they conversed for a while. Eventually they told me to shed my clothes and follow them.” “Wait.” I looked at Bella. “You were traipsing through a jungle naked with a tribe of people you didn't know? This sounds ridiculous, why were you naked?” basil smiled again. “They didn't tell me at first but I figured out that in order to reach the treasure one must shed all that makes them prideful. Only with humility can one find the treasure they seek. You know, like the holy grail.” “Yes but did Sir Galahad have to shed his clothes for the grail?” Basil shrugged. “I assure you cousin, my story is true.” He went on to explain a long and arduous trek through the dense jungle. And then finally a treacherous climb to the top of the mountain, eventually it was just him, the members of this tribe did not even follow him to the top. There, at the pinnacle was a sculpted relief of the millennial king's face. On top of that was the tea, sat in an enchanted satchel. “I reached it and drew two leaves from it's pouch to examine them. They glowed with energy.” He finished. I shook my head skeptically, since our youth Basil always exaggerated...and then there was a knock at the door.

Dazzling Charm

The holiday is over, things were relaxing. Too relaxing in fact. Wednesday came and went, the preparations were made and I found myself curling up with a good book. I should have seen it then, when do I ever have time to read with my life anyway? There was a knock. By now one would suppose that I'd stop answering knocks, after nearly getting stabbed by the psychotic neighbors or dragged into the underworld, one would expect an aversion to answering the door. Now that I think about it, why am I always the one answering? Why doesn't the Rotting Corpse Boy do it? At any rate, I answered it and boy was I surprised. In through the door burst my bold, yet charming half cousin Basil Sterling. Basil spends most of his time traveling the world procuring various fine quality teas. Sometimes I am quite jealous of him. The other thing about Basil is that he seems to be the master of charm. If anyone was dividing up shares when we were born I would have accused Basil of stealing the charming shares of at least eight other people. Bandits have sidearms and daggers, rulers have armies, Basil has charm. At once I was seeing little stars appearing all around him as he flashed us his dazzling smile. Sometimes I doubt that we are even half cousins. “Dearest cousin...” He started. “I have returned for some time from my travels and will be needing a place to stay, would you be able to spare a bed?” I sighed, of course this always seems to happen. Why do I have so many empty beds in my house anyway? I really should look into that. “Yes Basil, there's a bed open for you.” Basil bowed his head. “Thank you so much, I appreciate this.” He launched a small satchel of tea towards me. I caught it and he smirked. “That is some very rare tea I managed to...procure while on my journeys, There is quite a story about it indeed...”

Home Again...

I made it home from the Underworld just in time to see Bella bringing a large turkey into the house. That's right, it's thanksgiving! Happy Turkey Day! (This image is also a gift! It can double as a desktop background too if you don't mind the bars on the top or bottom)

Under and Out...

With a sad look on her face the Queen of Seasons lifted her hands. The breezes blew and all seasons seemed to occur all at once. The phantoms around us in the underworld suddenly seemed to pay attention. Before that point they seemed self-absorbed but now all gave their attention. This may have been the first time a breeze ever passed the turf of the underworld, it was as if the memories of those phantoms grew thick in the air. I began to have difficulty breathing, or was it then that I realized that my entire time in the underworld had been spent not breathing? Now that I was I felt a very small amount of air reach my lungs, I gasped, shocked by the sudden turn of events. The Queen of seasons turned to me. “My child, you were not supposed to dwell here so long, the look of this place has had its effect upon you and you have completed the task at hand. Return to your home and leave these matters in the hands of those who can handle them.” I tried stepping towards her but all things seemed to fade into a dark purple cloud. Before that happened though, I saw the Empress of Spring growing rapidly older as the cloud of her youth was stripped away by the Queen of Seasons. “This is what is necessary for Spring to happen again. If you choose to leave then the power that has granted your beauty shall leave you. The Empress looked distressed while the Queen looked on with a strange sense of calm. That was the last thing i saw before I found myself swirling through space, only to find myself at home once more, the place I had left a full month earlier...

A Dire Deed to be Done

I've managed to find yet another e-mail terminal while here in the underworld. It hasn't been easy, that is for certain. I crashed through the glass, unharmed but very frightened by the wrath of the Spring Empress. She loomed over me and grinned fiendishly. “What was the point of this? The elaborate scene of getting locked in the cage acting as a prisoner for the Autumn King?” “I could have left, but they would have brought me back. Instead if I were to be captured then my rescuers could all meet untimely ends until the rescue attempts decease...” I shook my head, unaware of what powers this creature had at her disposal. “Unfortunately you will be the first to meet his end, for I grew tired of my position as the Spring ruler. It is beautiful and wonderful, but I can do it no longer, the sum of creation is too vast to be limited to one tower for all eternity...” “You must return, what happens to the world if you do not?” She shrugged. “I don't rightly know, it has never happened that a season wanted to leave. Perhaps they have been late or early, but never has one wished to leave. I have done this of my own accord, and now I choose to go to a place from which I can never return from.” With all that said she sighed and held out her hand, a wilted flower appeared. She gazed at it with glassy eyes before extending it to me. I was just about to touch it when it flew from her hand. It buzzed through the air until another received it. “I am the Queen of Seasons.” She announced eloquently. It seemed that the very air disturbed by her breath glowed with a bit of light. “I have been told from the Autumn King that things have become dire.” The Empress of Spring looked silently at the Queen before speaking. “It is not true, things were not that bad...” The Queen closed her eyes. “Enough! I have heard it all, what you desire now and what you have become...In all the time since the foundation of the world have I never done what I am about to do. But as the Autumn King did say, things have become dire indeed...”

The Prince of the Past...

This is a special post, in flavor with the season I will now recount the tale of the Rotting Corpse boy who has come to live in my home. He first told me this story as we journeyed back from Castcom. His name was Prince Agmett. He lived in the kingdom of the ancient Minoans. Perhaps you have heard of them...perhaps not. But Prince Agmett was a noble Prince and he lived during a time of darkness. In his life his Mother, the Queen passed away. HE was unable to cope with her death, so young and so bold he was! In light of her death he declared that he refused to believe in actual death ever again. She had left him but certainly there was a way to thwart this cruel force? He went to every magician, he sought every oracle and sage, and yet no answer to death could be found. He never ceased to search, knowing that in his heart he banished the acceptance of death altogether. But death reaches us all does it not? It came even to Agmett. The capital was attacked by invaders and soon Agmett found himself fighting in the midst of a large army. He was slain that day by a sword of bronze. He drifted for a long time, through mist and through night, refusing to accept his death even though it had happened. However, it seems his will was so strong that he found himself face to face with the great Rhoades, the bull god of death. Rhoades stared at him. “You are refusing death?” Agmett stood silent. “Your belief in no death is so strong even though you have trekked through it for so long?” “This may be an illusion to tempt me to surrender my idea, but that is something I can never do.” Rhoades was impressed. “A challenge then, I shall charge you and you must leap over me, if you can do that and dodge my flames then I shall grant you the power to remain alive. In essence you shall be immortal.” Agmett accepted, knowing that this is what he had been seeking. Rhoades stood half a universe away and charged. Agmett , who hung in the air prepared himself. The Minoans used to have a bull-jumping festival each year, dedicated to Rhoades. Who could have known that Agmett would one day be leaping over the god himself?The flames nearly reached him but he made it over completely unharmed. Rhoades conceded defeat. It was at that moment that Agmett awoke once more. From his slumber he stirred, only to find himself trapped in a large stone tomb from which he could not escape. And so he waited, for a very long time, until a band of archaeologists discovered the city. They broke the stone sealing the tomb. Agmett waited again. Then, at night he pulled himself free from the tomb. He was badly decomposed by this point. He could never return to the world of men in his current state. It was then he heard Rhoade's voice in his head. The god had joined with him, was it his power sustaining Agmett? The bull-god suggested piecing together a new body, since Agmett could not transition out of the one he had. The former prince deliberated a long time but finally made his decision. Was it due to a cruel twist of fate? A group of archaeologists were there late one night and he saw Agmett and shouted for the others. Agmett quickly had to silence him. Ultimately it was Rhoades that did it. Agmett reached out his hand and Rhoades appeared and slew the man. Was the blood on Agmett's hands now? This body would decompose just as the prince's had. Could he truly allow it to go to waste? And that is how he began, by piecing together what he could from that dead man. The other archaeologists in that group found him but Rhoades dealt with them as well. Soon he had built himself a new shell, but that was not the end of Agmett's tale. The dig, financed by a powerful organization, claimed all that was found. They discovered a way to suppress the power of Rhoades and capture the prince. That is how he became the prisoner of Castcom and that is where I found him several months ago...
Happy Halloween!

Even in Nilfheim...

The longer I dwell in the Underworld the more and more dead I begin to feel and look. I know I am paler than before, it is as if I'm already making that transition. I rode the Ski Doo as far as I could. At least until I reached Nilfheim. You see, the underworld is vast, and each name of the underworld, whether it be Sheol, Hell, Hades, or Nilfheim is really a mere district in the giant city of the dead, Necroplystyalias. I reached this city. And in the district of Nilfheim I found the Empress. There is a tree of all the pleasures on earth, good and bad. It is rooted here. It is quite funny actually, a Solarelks coffee was built at the base, I know they are everywhere up top but even in the underworld! I entered looking for a drink, the temptation down there was far too great. But I never bought a drink, because as I entered I saw her. The Spring Empress, an 8 dollar Mocha in hand. (It costs a lot to import coffee down there evidently) She looked at me. “Are you the Spring Empress?”. I expected to look for a cage and a sneering Winter King. “Indeed I am, who are you?” She replied loftily. “Faux LeRoy, I am here to save you.” I said, my resolve breaking with each word. She smiled. “Poor fool, I bet the Autumn King sent you here. Little did he know I came here of my own accord!” I scratched my head. “What does this mean?” Her eyes flashed gold. “I imagine you will inform him I do not wish to go.” I nodded. “You are a fool for coming here, and you shall never again leave!” She exclaimed as the store began rattling. I desperately jumped through the front windows as they exploded with the force of her might...

My Aunt Used to Have One of Those...

Well I bet you're wondering how I'm posting from the underworld, because that is where I still am. I found one of those e-mail kiosks and hopped on. Of course I had to threaten an excitable ghost of a man down here to get his user information to log on but that is besides the point. Things are strange, to say the least. By now I've crossed the river Styx and have found no sign of the Spring season yet. But I had an interesting encounter before getting to this point and I think the information could be helpful if any of you decide to take a trip to the underworld (which I don't really recommend). Anyway, I started by following that bird. It flew so quickly I had difficulty keeping up with it. But that was on normal terrain, as we approached the entrance things became a big more rocky. And then, i found it, the entrance to the underworld. It was guarded by one of the most fearsome beasts I had ever seen. Now I know you mythology types would be thinking CERBERUS! That is what I encountered...kind of. As it turns out, sometime between the rise of the Roman empire and the end of British imperialistic age the entrance to hell was left unattended. For you see the Cerberus began to grow lonely. He wandered off searching for a thing called love. Evidently he found it...in a rotary telephone. Yeah....Well as it turns out the Cerberus returned to his post, only to realize he had no desire to do that anymore, so he made the lovechild of rotary phone and himself stand guard. That is where I come in. Standing before me is a looming three-headed rotary phone! What am I to do? His phone snap at me and I dodge to and fro. Thinking on my feet I jumped out of the way and rushed towards the beast. I lunged at his center, my finger extended, and quickly dialed the first 1-800 number that came to mind. I quickly hid behind the rock as the automated voice message kicked on. I waited....and waited. Then, I heard it. “If you are dialing from a rotary phone, please stay on the line...” This was my chance! Like Orpheus I fled past him, only to find myself confronted with the river of the dead. Charon's price was far too high so I decided to walk the bank, looking for an alternative option. As it turns out there is a Ski Doo rental place located on my side of the bank. I had to pay quite a bit, I guess gas is expensive in hell. Whatever it worked. It was a jet ski/ snowmobile model, perfect for covering long distances of terrain. I haven't found the Empress yet but hopefully in due time I shall...

How Does That Myth Go?

I woke up this morning, what the weathermen called the perfect autumn day. However, as I walked outside I was confronted by an icy breeze that cut through to my very core. The Witch of Cornwall’s head rolled over to the door and scowled at me. “Shut the door, it’s such a cold day.” She rolled off, she’s been cranky ever since Bella brought her home, is that what happens after your body is disconnected? Well I shivered and moved to close the door when a bare bronze arm shot out and held the door open. “Wait a moment.” I followed the arm, it attached to a smoking figure clothed in autumn leaves. “Faux LeRoy, I have heard about you and ask for your assistance.” The being spoke. “Who are you?” I asked, completely weirded out by this point, this guy had no shirt on, wasn’t he freezing? Or did the smoke around his legs keep him warm? “I am the autumn king he boomed as he pushed into the house. I nodded quietly and closed the door. “How and WHAT did you hear about me?” He grew more serious in appearance. “Let me explain. This day it is frigid, for I am not at my tower commanding the weather as it should be commanded.” “You should return then.” I muttered. “Problem solved.”
taking the Empress of the spring away. I was informed of this and immediately went to intervene.” He paused and shook his“NOT QUITE.” He shouted. “For you see, this day the Winter King has finally succeeded in head. “I was too late; the Winter King had somehow grown strong enough to overtake her in her own tower. He hauled her out and took her to the underworld.” He paused once more. “The underworld is not even within our realm, we have no power there. It is an abysmal place that I have journeyed to on occasion in the past. But where was I? Ah yes, I followed them secretly and watched as he locked her up. He placed her in a cage and returned to his own tower. I tried to break the cage but I could not succeed. For you see he enchanted the cage in such a way. Only he could open it…or so I thought.” He stared at me and nodded. “You’re the one I heard about, sure enough. For you see, while in the underworld I ran into a person who had taken a journey on the 4^th of July. He told me about a brave young man and the more I heard about you the more I figured you may be the one who can help me.” “But only the Winter King can open the cage?” I asked skeptically. “No no, the cage was made by the hands of a man and therefore, it can also be broken by the hands of a man. This is a rule, we of this realm and of the underworld can not alter the physical objects of man, but men can.” “So you want me to go to the Underworld?” He smiled for the first time. “Indeed.” He looked at me again. ‘You probably don’t know how to get there do you?” I smiled. “No I do I go on vacation there all the time, the beaches are a lot less crowed than Ocean City…” He furrowed his brow. “That didn’t make much sense to me, but I must away for now, the season waits for no one. This bird shall guide you there. Follow him and keep him by your side…” With that he vanished. In his place sat a dark bird covered in eyes. I write this now, not certain how long I will be away; I hope the house stays in one piece while I’m away...

Ai Think Things Are Crazy Here...

So last Tuesday my life got a bit more exciting, actually it always seems to be doing that, maybe eventually it will cease to be exciting and then when a dull streak finally occurs I will post and say that my life has been very eventful because suddenly things changed a lot, does it really work like that? I’m not certain. Anyway I was sitting with a cup of tea and a warming a frying pan for stir fry. Bella was sitting over by the steps. Things that day were quiet but as I was preparing the vegetables the wind suddenly picked up. She smiled wickedly. It got a raised eyebrow from me. “Bella what’s going on?” She turned to me and smiled. “Nothing much, just being an older sister…” Then I saw it, approaching the window, it blew open and into the house came a small dark bird with a black witches hat on top of its head. I thought it was rather cute with the striped plumage and all, and then it started flying around my head. “What is this? Bella?” I asked impatiently, she smiled. It was then that Boswell decided to walk across the kitchen counter. He saw me swatting around my head and followed my arms to the bird. The bird let out a little peep and moved towards Boswell. “Garbage & filth!” He screamed. Bella smiled. “Wow, you even screamed with the ampersand, I’m impressed.” “Why is Ai here, you know we don’t get along!” Boswell exclaimed as he leapt onto the handle of the frying pan which fell to the floor, dumping my fresh vegetables all over the floor. I shook my head, quite bothered by this. I picked up the frying pan ready to smack that silly bird, I didn’t even care that it was cute; my vegetables were on the floor! “Woah!” Bella jumped up, “I was only having a bit of fun, ease up will you?” She looked at the bird. “Ai my dear, come here.” The little shadowy bird obeyed immediately, landing gently on her shoulder. Boswell shook his head, we exchanged a glance. If I can say one thing about Miss Bella Argyle, it is that she does what she wants…

Knifin' Around

So today I answered the door, I looked and saw no one, but as I closed it a shrill voice called out. “Hoorary! I’m here to visit!” I looked down; it was the happy knife son of the happy knife neighbors next door. “Hoorary I wish to borrow sugar!” He squealed. “For cookies!!” I looked at him and shrugged. “Sure buddy.” But as I turned to go to the kitchen I heard a dark laugh. I turned around to see the happy knife son neighbor come flying at me through the air, a dark glare in his eyes. “I’m also here to murder!!” I should pause to mention, this happens somewhat frequently with these neighbors, they moved in sometime last year. Boy, do they keep my life interesting. It I shouted and the corpse boy from Castcom came over, “Woah!” He shouted, a flying knife boy!” He jumped in the way and the knife son pierced him, of course he didn’t feel a thing, instead he plucked the knife son out of his chest and slid him into the wooden knife block in the kitchen. “Here’s the sugar.” I said as I handed it to him, he nodded and took them both next door. Then I went back to working on my projects.

EZ Pass Egypt!

I was out driving for a while and I had to get onto the turnpike. No problem right? When is that ever the case with me...seriously. I leaned out the window to get my ticket when SHUMP it was consumed by the machine. I pulled over and went to the window, the lady looked at me and I explained the situation. She quickly printed me a new ticket and slid open the window, she extended her hand, only to have the ticket sucked upward. It was caught in the vile hands of the KING EMPEROR NIGHTMARE EGYPTIAN MONSTER #XIII. He snickered as he floated menacingly over the toll plaza. “You shall never be able to use the turnpike insolent fool!” I was confounded, for I quickly tried a flying ninja kick and released a few white doves through a burning ring of fire just for effect...nothing. Woo, I was tired by that point. I slumped into my car, feeling completely defeated. It was then that I sat upon a flute given to me by a strange old man a number of years ago. I quickly pulled it out and held it aloft, knowing that Medieval flute music was the little-known cure for all variations of the Nightmare Egyptian Monster!! As I began my song the beast began to belch fire. The toll plaza erupted into flames and drivers took this opportunity to speed on through, toll-free...except for it sucked for the people getting on because when they got off, no ticket...As my song finished the beast split into four pieces and flew off in each of the cardinal directions. The lady in the toll both nearest me (which conveniently survived) handed me the legendary EZ PASS INFINITY! Thanks toll roads...now I can drive forever!!

She has gone mad...

Well, um...Bella has been busy, that's about all I can say. This past week has been madness, sheer and absolute insanity. Besides finding out more about the mysterious tag-a-long from Castcom (I'll go into more detail later, there is enough there to be an entire post in-and-of itself) Bella has made my life a mess for the time being. When the boy and I returned no one was home, that was Sunday afternoon, by the evening I had an unexpected guest...chaos. I heard footsteps approaching the door, with a bang my front door opened as Bella kicked it open. “HAH HAH HAH!” She laughed wildly. “Faux, you MUST see this!” “What's up?” I asked hesitantly. Bella grinned madly as she held up an old sack with a moderately-sized round object inside. She hurled it onto the kitchen table and slumped into a chair. I slowly and cautiously opened the bag, as soon as I saw it's contents I drew back. It was a HEAD! “Grow a backbone!” She sneered as she pulled the contents out onto the table. Before us laid the head of the Witch of Cornwall. “You...killed her!” I shouted. She shook her head impatiently. “I decapitated her, I didn't kill her.” “What's the difference?” I shouted. “The difference is that I'm still alive.” The Witch spoke as she opened one eye and peered angrily at us. “How is that possible?” I backed up a few steps. It was then that I bumped into the boy from Castcom, I stopped questioning then. “Why did you do this?” I pressed. “To save my brother.” Bella replied coldly. “Mercy Boswell!” I exclaimed, where is he?” “He's right here.” Bella sighed as she pulled a small figure from her pocket. “Confound it Bella!” A tiny voice shouted. She gently placed him in my hands where I could get a better look at him. Once again, he was an imp, but this time he was no larger than a tea bowl. I nearly fell over from the shock of it all. “Why?” I asked. “His protection.” Bella replied nonchalantly. “I couldn't sit around, you have to understand that.” I shrugged and took another glance at the very frustrated Boswell. “Clearly.” Was the only word I could muster.

Recollection in Color

On the way home from my arduous journey I encountered two odd individuals. One was named Mortimer, the other named Bellamy. The climate was dry, in fact it was a dessert area, similar to what you see in movies, a long stretch of road with no one around. However, as I drove I noticed a small dark spot in the distance. The strange boy from Castcom was resting in the back seat and I didn't think this to be a large enough problem to bother him. The dark patch grew bigger as I neared it, and then I began to see what it was...Bellamy and Mortimer stood arguing with one another atop a large ball. It had many designs in it, including a curious one involving the letter A. Naturally, since I couldn't really get around it I stopped to see what was the matter. “You just don't care, That is your problem!” Bellamy shouted. “Wrong, I do care, I would not be on top of this ball if I did!” Mortimer retorted. “Gentlemen” I politely interrupted. “What seems to be the issue here?” Bellamy looked down at me. “He wants to roll this ball! But he can't, he simply doesn't understand what that would do...” “It would ruin your comfort perhaps but don't you see what you've become, the place in which you find comfort is not a comfortable place at all!” Mortimer snapped back. Bellamy scowled. “How can you make that judgment call, you are not me. I will not allow you to roll on this ridiculous you have conceived. It is a very stupid idea.” Mortimer shook his head. “I do not agree friend. Why do you hold such an opinion?”

“Because it is proved by fact!” Bellamy nodded. “Wrong!” Mortimer yelled. “It is accepted by the general public, but know this friend, seldom is the general public ever correct.” At this the ball shook a little. “You disregard public opinion and the greater good because you don't care enough.” The ball planted itself once more. I had heard enough. At this point I jumped in. “It is not a matter of not caring, he chooses not to care because he has thought through it and arrived at this conclusion. He has done more thinking and evaluation than many who agree with the general opinion. He is not apathetic out of ignorance but apathetic because he has come to a level of greater understanding!” Mortimer looked at Bellamy as Bellamy quivered. “But apathy is apathy!” “Or is the latter form something completely different?” With that Bellamy clenched his hands and vanished into a flash of sparks. Mortimer waved down to me, for by that point the ball had begun to roll slowly onward. It was not deterred by any means but remains slow and steady. “Thank you friend, with two my ball has begun to roll once more, with more it will roll faster!” His voice echoed as the distant desert swallowed him up. I watched until he was nothing more than a speck and drove home...

Mood Swingy

The CEO frowned as this strange figure approached. He began to stagger as he reached the edge of the building. His facial expression shifted from madness to calm. He looked at me and flashed a skeptical look. “You should not be involved...”He started calmly only to return to his wild state. His face seemed to remain placid as his hands convulsed. He clenched them so that they looked like claws. Slowly he reached up and tilted the top portion of his head back. It remained fastened by the stitches. And as he did this a dark mist began to pour out. It formed into a grinning fiend of a thing. “I wish to handle this matter myself” The smoky cloud bellowed. The three flies trailing behind him buzzed lower as if obeying that comment. The CEO and the figure went into a bout of intense dialog, meanwhile I was thankful to have a deck of cards on my person. When they finished talking I'd play it by ear, but right now I felt a game of Solitaire was appropriate. I lost. But by the time I was realizing this the wind had picked up. The gathered cloud began to drift up towards the over-sized CEO and expanded until it was all around him. “It was in your best interests!” His loud voice echoed across the city. “Don't you know that's not the way things work?” The smoke cloud retorted. Meanwhile the body of the boy stood silent, his head still pulled open. “That is far too conventional...I'm seated in something much deeper, death can not find me that way...” I was totally confused at this point but began top pay more attention because at that point in the conversation, well it really wasn't conversation. The CEO wailed as he suddenly began to melt away. The dark cloud swirled around him; the winds were very turbulent. With a quick jerk the CEO suddenly vanished, however as a result the air around us seemed to reverse, instead of swirling towards him they blew away. The dark mist blew over me and pushed me backwards, off of the edge of the roof. Fortunately I grabbed on but I could not see the boy from that vantage point. I was clutching the edge for my very life, slowly I pulled myself back up but by the time I had he was standing there silently watching me. His face was calm... “Thank you.” He nodded. I brushed myself off and he extended his hand. I shook it and then he said to me. “I have little place to go and you have done me a great favor, do you mind if I tag along?” I shrugged. Might as well, after all, I already had a strange girl with (I'm assuming) an even stranger past, why not allow a Frankensteined fellow join the bunch?

Psuedo Super Sentai Spectacular

So onto business, I have been away for longer than expected but at least I have made it to this Tuesday. The villainous CEO of Castcom had tried to destroy me and others around me, that is where I draw the line… And so I left for the Castcom headquarters once more. Before I had done it to investigate, now I was here to settle a matter. This customer had a complaint, press one for more options…I quickly entered the building and took no time to stop at the front desk; instead I brushed by the people downstairs and went straight to the elevator. No one stopped me; all the doors were left unlocked, all the way to the main office. Strange, I thought. And then, I suddenly knew why, I had fallen into a trap! The office doors slammed shut and the lock clicked. Suddenly a huge pale fist came pummeling through the large glass windows. As the fist pulled away I could see the smiling face of the CEO. He had somehow grown the size of a small sky-scraper! Seriously I’m still kicking myself for not bringing my Henshin wristwatch. He reached his hand in again but I artfully dodged his hand, only to then leap upon it and use his arm as a bridge. With a flick of his wrist the vile CEO dropped me onto the room of the building. “I’m going to connect you to a phone and sap your soul by placing you on hold!”…If you still have any additional questions please stay on the line, an operator will be with you shortly… I bolted at once for the door, knowing I was, yet again, no match for this creature. However the door leading away was locked as well. I turned to look at him again when a glimmering object caught my eye. Wrapped around his middle finger like a ring was a piece of string fastened to a dangling key. I ran with all my might along his arm once more and just barely managed to grasp it. I yanked it off and felt it grow warm in my hand. It fired away toward the lock, drawn by its own power. However it was not the correct lock! Instead the key zoomed to a small shed I had not noticed before. It slid into a lock with a skull etched into it. With a shudder the shed door broke off into several pieces. I watched breathlessly. The CEO, it seemed, did likewise. Out of the shadows emerged a boy followed by three small flies. He had stitches on his arms and face, it appeared as if he were a Frankensteined creation. He looked back and forth quietly, a straight look upon his face. “Well then, I suppose it’s time I take out the trash…it’s been around so long it has begun to reek!” A wild grin overtook his features and he came rushing towards us…

It's Castcomtic!

My time at Tee pees and Escapades has ended. The time has passed quickly but Thursday was my last day of work. I bid everyone farewell, the day had been uneventful. It was a touching moment as everyone waved, for a moment I felt like an astronaut, reading himself to launch off. However as I placed my keys in the ignition there was a rumbling unlike any in recent memory. Was I hungry? Certainly not! For low and behold, the entire store was being overwhelmed, warehouse and all. Every delivery truck, every box by the dumpster! From the ground dark bubbles began to rise, these turned into tentacles, which then turned into a gigantic blob. As it grew a head formed. It leered at me as I took notice of the large CASTCOM logo branded on its forehead...This would not do. Has it already been a month since I faced off with that fiend? If only I had not fled, if only it had ended there! This beast continued to grow as it reached for the sky. It's head continued skyward as it's neck continued to extend. It was then that the manager...err...managed to press himself against the blob. He shouted to me from inside. “Use our rental rocket and pump!” I looked at him quizzically, for the delivery trucks had all be consumed by this beast...save one. I quickly ran to the truck and threw open the door. Inside I found a suit hanging on a hook, I put it on and set the ship up. It was a rocket for one. I slung the pump on my back and sat down. How funny that now I really WAS readying myself to launch. I flipped a flew switches and soon the rocket engine began to snort. With a sudden bang the ship exploded into the air. As I ascended I wondered what I was supposed to DO with the pump? But then I saw it, a giant Adam's apple on the neck of the beast. In the center was a large X. I quickly got my pump ready and sent it flying. The mechanical pack started going and soon the monster began growing in size. I watched it's head as it bobbled too and fro. Suddenly it began to shake uncontrollably Followed by a large explosion. I blinked curiously as its remains fizzled into nothingness. The landing was rough but when I got out my manager thanked me. I nodded and smiled but in my head I knew one thing was certain, the vacation was off, I was going CEO hunting. So on Tuesday I'm afraid I will not be able to update as I will be in a very large city far away, attending to business...