At least he was wearing clothes!

Yesterday evening was quite pleasant. I took a walk and just enjoyed my evening. However, that was quickly ruined by a stereotypically jolly fat man. Of course, this being so close to the season of Christmas I should have foreseen a seasonal-related adventure in my future. However I did not, at least not until Santa Claus himself rode up on a motorcycle! He stopped right in front of me and grinned. “Hello there Faux.” I looked him right in his icy blue eyes. “Santa?” He nodded. “Yes indeed.” I sighed. “What's with the bike, shouldn't you be really busy right now?” He stared at me and then motioned to his wheels. “Oh this thing? The elves built it for me, I just couldn't give it up.” I nodded in response and hesitantly continued this odd conversation. “Don't you have a whole other 51 weeks in the year to ride that?” His grin vanished. “What are you saying?” I didn't reply. “Are you saying I'm a slacker because I'm on this bike?” I held my lounge. “Well if that IS what you are saying than you would be RIGHT in assuming I'm a slacker and that I am ESCAPING my duties as Santa Claus FOREVER.” I nodded again. “Okay well whatever, it's not like I really believed in you anyway.” The fat man continued. “But you are making me understand my responsibilities, I'm beginning to grasp the MAGNITUDE of a Santa-less world. In fact, you are so convincing that I no longer even feel FIT to do my job. In fact, you are CONVINCING me that YOU would do a much better job.” “Santa what?” “Yes, you are CLEARLY the best person for the job Faux, I trust you know what to do, here's my huge sack full of STUFF for everybody, I know you won't fail the entire WORLD.” “WHAT!?! Santa, firstly what is with all the emphasis on so many words, you talk really lame-like. Secondly I never even said anything about taking your job, I was just saying that you probably shouldn't be taking breaks right now.” “No no, it is TOO LATE for me now Faux, with TEARS in my eyes I depart from you, FAREWELL new Santa...” Santa finished as he revved up his engine and drove away. I was suddenly left with all of the gifts and a really long list, standing in the middle of the road. “This is ridiculous.” I thought. “This Santa guy is a jerk...” I had no idea what to do, I couldn't even move the bag. But just at that moment a postman was driving by. At once I had an idea and quickly took care of this strange problem. I had to by about 3 billion padded envelopes but I finally managed to send all of the gifts via the postal service. Now I'm going to make a cup of Basil's tea, because seriously this whole episode has made me a little more likely to boycott Santa next year...