A Return and a Break

Memorial to a Crazy Last Year

Once again absurdity ensued. This is a picture of my Memorial Day barbecue last year. Yeah, I'm sort of happy to be traipsing after gypsies this year. The smaller one is for a 1024x768 desktop and the larger is for 1200x800!

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Post number 50!

With that Basil vanished. I just sunk to the ground, and even though Kitty placed her arm around me I felt no comfort. Certainly Basil could be a bit ridiculous sometimes, maybe a lot of the time, but this seemed far too drastic. HAD things become so dire? “Indeed they are dire.” A voice called out, reading my thoughts and channeling them into a response. I stood up and turned my head. Before I found the voice I saw a long shadow stretching out behind me. It was an old woman. “Things are so dire, but only because Basil chose them to be so.” Kitty watched the old woman cautiously. “Who are you?” The hag smiled and sighed. “Ah, I am a woman with a past, a witch that has been cursed...” She paused and with a heavy heart continued. “There were three of us, foolish young women who were lured into a trap. For you see, the one who is behind all of this has caused much trouble for a very very long time. He has led the gypsies to steal your friend, and he has led Basil to consume the dark brew. And he has left me to rot in this tomb.” “But why do you remain here? Why do you not seek the daylight?” I asked quietly. She smiled. “I have been waiting for you, that is why. The curse of this monstrous body was placed upon me by him, and all I have left is a harbored vengeance. I will not tell you who he is, who guides all of this, but I will help you to subvert his plans. After enough subversion you shall finally see him soon enough.” She smiled. “I am here to prevent his tampering nay longer.” And so she beckoned us deeper into the tomb. It grew dim and dark, but eventually we came into a small round room. She seemed to glide to a large kettle in the center of the room. It looked like, though she was old, she still retained a few ounces of her former grace. With a simple flick of her hand the cauldron came to life. Swirling smoke of different colors swarmed around her body as she smiled at me. Then her face grew serious once more. “You can travel far in a moment correct?” Kitty and I exchanged a glance, not certain of how she knew so much, but we nodded. She grinned. From the smoke rose two faces. “If you seek to save your friends find these two men in Britain. Already you can travel far distances, but they shall grant you another piece which shall allow you to travel beyond even the conventional boundaries which you till remain bound by.” “Please tell us more.” Kitty started. The witch grinned and allowed herself to be enveloped in the smoke. Her hand shot out just before vanishing completely. It pointed to us and at that very moment a red glowing X-mark seemed to burn itself into our map...

PS:This is my 50th image post and still going strong! Here's hoping that more readers will come with the next 50!

A Leap in Many Ways...

With the ghost of Czar Samovar safely secured and in our control we pressed forward. The massive tomb grew darker as we progressed, the air was so stale. I felt ill in the stomach from the smells long forgotten and sealed away. But I glanced at Kitty who, though taken aback by the smell, never staggered. Certainly I could do the same. Basil was just somewhere completely different. He strode boldly, with the passion of an obsessed madman. I whispered my concern to Kitty, she agreed with me that drinking the tea was probably a bad decision. And so we quietly plotted behind Basil's back as he hummed a familiar tune. At this point it would be impossible to talk him out of this mad expedition, however, we could take the tea when we reached our destination and then, at least deliberate. I feared that his first instinct would be to drink it. And then we were there. Ancient torches, lit by some bewitching means, stood on either side. I looked around, this had to be it, we were in a vast chamber with a long staircase. Basil quickly bounded up the staircase. We tried to follow close behind. And then Kitty slipped. I turned to pick her back up and it was that moment that cost us our plan. Basil wads too far ahead by that point.

Upon reaching the top plateau the entire tomb began to quiver. The platform raised up from it's place deep in the earth and into the twilight above. A small pedestal rose as this happened. On it was a tea kettle. Basil turned and grinned at us. “It is perpetually steaming but never over steeping. It is an enchanted tea kettle of legend that makes the perfect cup every time.” I readied myself to make the jump onto the platform. But Kitty gabbed my hand, the distance between you and it is to far.” She motioned to the center of the staircase. Where it once sat was now filled by a deep hole. “If you miss the jump you shall fall to your death.” Our eyes met and we both knew our next course of action. She kissed my hand lightly and I jumped...

O'er heather through aether

Basil grinned devilishly as he bolted out of the tavern. Kitty and I followed closely behind. He ran to a shed out behind the tavern. “A friend of mine was able to negotiate this space for working. I’m not sure how the deal went down.” Basil paused as he screwed his face up, trying to remember. “I think it featured the auctioning of a termite farm and three souls on Ebay.” “I would hope souls would get you a better shed than THAT.” Kitty muttered. Basil grinned. “The termite farm got the shed, the souls got what is inside!” He applied slight pressure to the door and it swung open upon creaky hinges. He threw on some brass goggles and long gloves. From a dirty old wooden chest in the back corner he drew an ordinary looking jar. Inside there was a small glowing object suspended in the center. “What is that thing?” I asked. “A small luminiferous aether!” My jaw dropped. “What does it do?” Kitty asked skeptically. “This aether generates light, and works almost like a small controlled black hole of sorts.” Basil’s grin spread even further across his face as he did an aerial kick.

“My plan is to enter the tomb of Samovar and release the aether. Even the fearsome spirit of Samovar could not stand against this force. It shall consume him and we can use him as we wish.” A dark expression flashed across my half-cousin’s features. “And then I can claim his legendary tea, drink it, and with the wisdom it provides, outwit any of the gypsy traps.”

So we arrived in Samovar, safe and sound. If there wasn’t only one I’d highly recommend map travel, although the jet lag is something fierce. And so Samovar is where our story picks up. There’s not much there, in the background a large black object loomed, the towering tomb of Samovar. The people are friendly in Samovar, at least I bet they would be if we spoke the same language, right now their more indifferent than anything else, although there was an old woman who began barking at me… Anyway we found Basil huddled in a back corner of a tavern, in his hands he held a shot of vodka. We immediately asked what happened. He looked at us vaguely at first, and then, once he recognized me his features lit up. “Faux! You’ll never believe it. It’s horrid!” “What Basil, where’s Bella?” Basil looked up sadly. “She’s gone, they took her.” “Who?” I asked in a rather cliché manner. “The gypsies.” He paused. “I obtained invitations to the Count de Orlock’s grand ball. So Bella and I had prepared ourselves and were on our way. We passed a silent crowd on the way over, a strange sight but I though nothing of it. Nothing, that is, until I noticed they were following us. Bella and I ran, but the crowd separated and from it rose a giant Gypsy! ‘The girl is who we want!’ from behind him leaped a girl with a rope, I moved to fight them off but there were far too many.” I looked at Basil as he stopped again. “Basil, what are we going to do?” Basil hung his head low and his shoulders heaved as he sobbed silently. Then suddenly, as if transfigured, he raised his head, a crazed look captured in his eyes. “I have a plan…”

The Return to Olde School... (at least for a time)

I figured that consulting Boswell was the best way to figure anything out, since he was supposed to have stayed at home. Only he wasn't home, neither was the head of the Witch of Cornwall. The Knifingtons were our only clue, and they could get a little excited. I knew Basil had left for Samovar, that was to be our first stop. Rodney decided to stay at home, we figured someone needed to be there, especially if the Knifingtons had anything to say... Besides that it's harder to hurt a Rotting Corpse Boy with a knife anyway. If they told him anything pertinent he'd call us. At least that's the plan as of now...of course, what do we do for travel? I should mention Kathryn's hanging around, she's insists that I call her Kitty, whatever floats her boat, I just want to find Bella. It made me uneasy letting her go but I did, now this. We headed next door to the neighbor's, I figured that a man with such brains might have a keen way to travel. He hesitated when I told him of our plan and of the urgency. He led us to his attic, and from the attic he went to a trunk, which he opened, inside was a piece of curled parchment. “When Magellan sailed his crew sailed faithfully under him. Though he perished they pressed onward. It was Juan Elcano who first circumnavigated this globe. Upon doing that this map was created. I have heard of several such odd events, when they happen an object of great power appears, these objects have been used to further their goals. Elcano used this to his advantage, traveling instantly and escaping many close calls. While the Cartographers of the world charted the globe he could cover it all in a single day. This is that map, by merely pointing at a spot you can go there in an instant. I give it to you because the consequences of delays sound dire. May it serve you well.” Kathryn and I looked at one another and then I laid my finger on the map. She was holding it flat and grasped the corner. As she as pulled off with it she wrapped her arm around me and we were carried to the land of Samovar...

A New Tale Begins!

Beware of Bull Booby Traps!

I <3 this, but I can't do it every week...

Like Lando Calrissian...

Fortunately for me, the Rat King had heard about the incident at Castcom back in July. That is how he came to know that the Rotting Corpse Boy had come to reside with me. So, as he and his rat servants hauled my frozen stone self back to his underground palace some other loyal servants were dispatched to locate Rodney. Go figure he wasn't home. And so they waited, as did I...clearly, I'm stone and can't really do much of anything. In fact, just be happy there's a post this week, it's really kind of hard to blog when your stone, try it sometime you'll agree, I promise. But anyway, eventually he returned and at once the rats began to squeak at him. Rodney totally didn't understand rat though so this caused problems. Eventually some rats had to go and fetch the Rat King himself. “Your friend Faux has been turned to stone and we are hoping that you know how to change him back.” Rodney pondered this for a while. “My ancient brain has to dig deep. But yes, I seem to recall a legend of my people that was lost over time...” The Rat King looked at him impatiently. “And??” “There is a mountain in the air. And, um there's a special fountain that reverses the stone curse. My Grandfather had to fight an army of gorgon half-breeds once. It was then that we went to this fountain. I was very young when we were there but I believe that I could find my way there again.” “That's it?” The Rat King smiled. “Simply reach this fountain? Not even a beast to protect it?” the Rotting Corpse Boy shook his head. “No there was a creature at one time,whether or not it still lives is another matter. That's not the biggest trial though.” The Rat King shook his head. “What could be a more severe trial than a mythical beast?” Rodney looked at him stone-faced. “The mountain is upside-down. One has to turn the entire thing around to even access the fountain.” The Rat King's smile vanished from his features. “Do you recall how to do this?” Rodney shook his head. “Well then.” The Rat King began. “Talking here does little good. Let us at least find our way to the mountain, from there, perhaps we can choose our next step?” “But how?” Rodney asked. “It is in the air!” The Rat king smiled again. “Step into your backyard.” Rodney obediently opened the back door only to be astounded at once by a very large zeppelin parked in the backyard. 'I won it from Francis, the Pirate King of Penguins in a game of black jack. “Well...”Rodney stopped waiting for his surprise to fade enough to speak. “That would explain the large letter F emblazoned on the side...” The Rat King leaned closer to the Rotting Corpse Boy. “Ready to go then?” Rodney nodded. “But where is Faux?” “Already on board.” the Rat King smiled. “I knew you'd have an idea of where to go so I had my ship prepared!” Rodney just nodded. This would be a trip like none other indeed...

Drawing or viewing cartoon images of Gorgons don't cause one to turn to stone (thank goodness!)

The mouse reached its destination in time, but things still took a turn for the worse. I was being hauled in the arms of the sinister Astro-Astronomer. But still I waited for the right moment. Perhaps if I could have caused myself to vomit in a drain, that may have worked? I would have probably met a similar fate now that I reflect upon it. For certainly now I have time to reflect. As we walked on I waited patiently until the astronaut decided to shift arms. At that moment I elbowed him in the head and bolted off. The crowd of astronauts pursued me but I managed to keep ahead of them. However, I should have remembered Tim. When I punched the hole in his helmet I felt a chilling sensation move throughout my body, almost as if I were beginning to freeze. His laughter echoed down the street as I ran. I heard a small explosion as two astronauts were jet-propelled forward. They arrested me once again and I struggled. Tim made his way through the crowd and looked at me. “It is perhaps time you learned my secret...” He smiled and chuckled. A small mouse was lurking around my foot but I did not look at it. “Yes indeed. We can restore you when we haul you to base, certainly you will be heavier but more manageable.” I scowled. “What do you mean?” “In Greek mythology there is a story of gorgons. I am the son of one such creature.” I grew very nervous when he said this. He reached for his helmet and undid the latch. “Only a direct gaze can paralyze someone. The Greeks understood how this worked at first but as time went on we gorgons had created such a myth around ourselves that many deemed the paralysis to be irreversible. But then again, stone is quite had to reverse!” He grinned as he coyly played with his helmet. “Now you shall see that struggling serves no purpose!” He hissed as he cast his helmet away. The astronauts holding me loosened their grip, but it was because they turned to stone. I moved to avert the gaze but that could not stop it. As my vision grew cold I heard the squeaking of many rats. Among them towered the Rat King. He had come to repay a debt and settle a score. The Rats began to viciously attack the astronauts. Tim scowled and stared the Rat King in the face. “I wish I could turn you to stone.” Tim hissed. “But you know you have no such control over we the rats!” The King retorted. “And your hand can not slay me either.” Tim chortled. “We can not kill you but we can overrun your army.” Tim's eyes grew wide. “The plague!!” “Yes, your men now all have the disease we carry so well.” Tim shook his head. “I wish you had not gotten involved, this only stirs our long spat, astronauts against the rats. And like any cliché feud, this is not over!” Tim bellowed as he and his men bolted away from the terrible spot at the corner of Birch and Chestnut. The Rat King approached me and observed. “It is hopeless to restore the stones...” “Nay sir!” A small voice squeaked. “They mentioned a way to restore one. Perhaps we can find someone who may know?” The Rat King nodded. “Someone from the age of the Greeks...” Then the King sighed. “I wish events in the life of Faux Leroy played out quicker than once every week...” I, being stuck in stone agreed with him.

Brain Freeze

The astronauts pursued me as I leaped through bushes and tried to evade them. But as I ran more seemed to show up. If this ice cream really was to be part of the cult's supreme rite, I suppose all members were required to try and obtain it. I thought quickly, if I ate the ice cream they'd stop chasing me. Of course, they also might kill me. But they might do that regardless now that I ran and I wanted ice cream if I was to die so soon. At once I flipped the lid off and shoveled it into my mouth, using a spoon I carried with me, just in case. Perhaps this ice cream really turned out to be my saving grace. The astronauts stopped. Had I defeated them? But then I saw Tim approaching. “He has it inside of him. It is still good.” I was shocked at this response. “So long as we can get him before he discharges it our Emperor is safe.” “What are we to do to get it out?” One of the cult members nearby me asked. “We must cut out his stomach.” Tim announced. The astronauts moved in to grab me but I quickly jumped out of the way and dodged their large arms. I punch Tim right in the bubble helmet, shattering the glass. I really don't know how they'd go to outer space in those suits if I could break the glass. A sinister eye watched me from inside the helmet. “Take him to the temple!” This time I was caught and though I fought I could not escape the tight grasp of the cult members. I hadn't died at this point but what was I to do? In the hustle an bustle the cult members failed to see a small, ordinary looking mouse on the ground. My eyes widened at the prospect and I quietly whispered “mouseknit!” to it. The small creature scampered away and I closed my eyes hoping that I might be saved. If only that mouse could run fast enough...