Beware of Bull Booby Traps!

I <3 this, but I can't do it every week...

Like Lando Calrissian...

Fortunately for me, the Rat King had heard about the incident at Castcom back in July. That is how he came to know that the Rotting Corpse Boy had come to reside with me. So, as he and his rat servants hauled my frozen stone self back to his underground palace some other loyal servants were dispatched to locate Rodney. Go figure he wasn't home. And so they waited, as did I...clearly, I'm stone and can't really do much of anything. In fact, just be happy there's a post this week, it's really kind of hard to blog when your stone, try it sometime you'll agree, I promise. But anyway, eventually he returned and at once the rats began to squeak at him. Rodney totally didn't understand rat though so this caused problems. Eventually some rats had to go and fetch the Rat King himself. “Your friend Faux has been turned to stone and we are hoping that you know how to change him back.” Rodney pondered this for a while. “My ancient brain has to dig deep. But yes, I seem to recall a legend of my people that was lost over time...” The Rat King looked at him impatiently. “And??” “There is a mountain in the air. And, um there's a special fountain that reverses the stone curse. My Grandfather had to fight an army of gorgon half-breeds once. It was then that we went to this fountain. I was very young when we were there but I believe that I could find my way there again.” “That's it?” The Rat King smiled. “Simply reach this fountain? Not even a beast to protect it?” the Rotting Corpse Boy shook his head. “No there was a creature at one time,whether or not it still lives is another matter. That's not the biggest trial though.” The Rat King shook his head. “What could be a more severe trial than a mythical beast?” Rodney looked at him stone-faced. “The mountain is upside-down. One has to turn the entire thing around to even access the fountain.” The Rat King's smile vanished from his features. “Do you recall how to do this?” Rodney shook his head. “Well then.” The Rat King began. “Talking here does little good. Let us at least find our way to the mountain, from there, perhaps we can choose our next step?” “But how?” Rodney asked. “It is in the air!” The Rat king smiled again. “Step into your backyard.” Rodney obediently opened the back door only to be astounded at once by a very large zeppelin parked in the backyard. 'I won it from Francis, the Pirate King of Penguins in a game of black jack. “Well...”Rodney stopped waiting for his surprise to fade enough to speak. “That would explain the large letter F emblazoned on the side...” The Rat King leaned closer to the Rotting Corpse Boy. “Ready to go then?” Rodney nodded. “But where is Faux?” “Already on board.” the Rat King smiled. “I knew you'd have an idea of where to go so I had my ship prepared!” Rodney just nodded. This would be a trip like none other indeed...

Drawing or viewing cartoon images of Gorgons don't cause one to turn to stone (thank goodness!)

The mouse reached its destination in time, but things still took a turn for the worse. I was being hauled in the arms of the sinister Astro-Astronomer. But still I waited for the right moment. Perhaps if I could have caused myself to vomit in a drain, that may have worked? I would have probably met a similar fate now that I reflect upon it. For certainly now I have time to reflect. As we walked on I waited patiently until the astronaut decided to shift arms. At that moment I elbowed him in the head and bolted off. The crowd of astronauts pursued me but I managed to keep ahead of them. However, I should have remembered Tim. When I punched the hole in his helmet I felt a chilling sensation move throughout my body, almost as if I were beginning to freeze. His laughter echoed down the street as I ran. I heard a small explosion as two astronauts were jet-propelled forward. They arrested me once again and I struggled. Tim made his way through the crowd and looked at me. “It is perhaps time you learned my secret...” He smiled and chuckled. A small mouse was lurking around my foot but I did not look at it. “Yes indeed. We can restore you when we haul you to base, certainly you will be heavier but more manageable.” I scowled. “What do you mean?” “In Greek mythology there is a story of gorgons. I am the son of one such creature.” I grew very nervous when he said this. He reached for his helmet and undid the latch. “Only a direct gaze can paralyze someone. The Greeks understood how this worked at first but as time went on we gorgons had created such a myth around ourselves that many deemed the paralysis to be irreversible. But then again, stone is quite had to reverse!” He grinned as he coyly played with his helmet. “Now you shall see that struggling serves no purpose!” He hissed as he cast his helmet away. The astronauts holding me loosened their grip, but it was because they turned to stone. I moved to avert the gaze but that could not stop it. As my vision grew cold I heard the squeaking of many rats. Among them towered the Rat King. He had come to repay a debt and settle a score. The Rats began to viciously attack the astronauts. Tim scowled and stared the Rat King in the face. “I wish I could turn you to stone.” Tim hissed. “But you know you have no such control over we the rats!” The King retorted. “And your hand can not slay me either.” Tim chortled. “We can not kill you but we can overrun your army.” Tim's eyes grew wide. “The plague!!” “Yes, your men now all have the disease we carry so well.” Tim shook his head. “I wish you had not gotten involved, this only stirs our long spat, astronauts against the rats. And like any cliché feud, this is not over!” Tim bellowed as he and his men bolted away from the terrible spot at the corner of Birch and Chestnut. The Rat King approached me and observed. “It is hopeless to restore the stones...” “Nay sir!” A small voice squeaked. “They mentioned a way to restore one. Perhaps we can find someone who may know?” The Rat King nodded. “Someone from the age of the Greeks...” Then the King sighed. “I wish events in the life of Faux Leroy played out quicker than once every week...” I, being stuck in stone agreed with him.

Brain Freeze

The astronauts pursued me as I leaped through bushes and tried to evade them. But as I ran more seemed to show up. If this ice cream really was to be part of the cult's supreme rite, I suppose all members were required to try and obtain it. I thought quickly, if I ate the ice cream they'd stop chasing me. Of course, they also might kill me. But they might do that regardless now that I ran and I wanted ice cream if I was to die so soon. At once I flipped the lid off and shoveled it into my mouth, using a spoon I carried with me, just in case. Perhaps this ice cream really turned out to be my saving grace. The astronauts stopped. Had I defeated them? But then I saw Tim approaching. “He has it inside of him. It is still good.” I was shocked at this response. “So long as we can get him before he discharges it our Emperor is safe.” “What are we to do to get it out?” One of the cult members nearby me asked. “We must cut out his stomach.” Tim announced. The astronauts moved in to grab me but I quickly jumped out of the way and dodged their large arms. I punch Tim right in the bubble helmet, shattering the glass. I really don't know how they'd go to outer space in those suits if I could break the glass. A sinister eye watched me from inside the helmet. “Take him to the temple!” This time I was caught and though I fought I could not escape the tight grasp of the cult members. I hadn't died at this point but what was I to do? In the hustle an bustle the cult members failed to see a small, ordinary looking mouse on the ground. My eyes widened at the prospect and I quietly whispered “mouseknit!” to it. The small creature scampered away and I closed my eyes hoping that I might be saved. If only that mouse could run fast enough...

Not as good as Gelato, but hey, still good...

Bella has been gone for a week now and life goes on. Anyone that reads this journal regularly should not find it surprising that I have once again been drawn into yet another odd series of circumstances. This time the circumstances seem a bit dire because they involve the end of the world (supposedly). Anyway, things are going as they do. That is how this all started. We were running low on groceries so I decided to head out and get more. I picked up a carton of chocolate and vanilla ice cream because I know Rodney and Boswell like it. Anyway I was in the parking lot when I head a rhythmic clanging noise. Then, in the distance I spied a large astronaut carrying a staff. Around his neck was a decorative cloth. “Behold dear child!” He announced through his muffled breathing unit. “You have brought us the sacred item of the apocalypse!” I looked him straight in the face...well more like straight in the opaquely-colored bubble helmet but I assumed that's where his face was, but you never know with my life right? Anyway here we sat, bubble to face. “What are you talking about?” He straightened up. “I am Timothy, high priest and leader of the great cult of Ala-Astro-Astronomers...or triple AAA. We have foreseen the end of the world and now I have come to claim the crucial piece that shall make it all happen.” I looked at him, unamused. “What?” He pointed to the bag with the ice cream. “That ice cream you have, it is the very ice cream that will rule as the Supreme Emperor. We must take it so that it may be committed to the moon in a pageant of holy matrimony.” This was getting strange, even for me. “You're going to marry my ice cream...to the moon.” He nodded. “That is correct. Now if you would kindly hand it over...” I pulled the ice cream from the bag and clutched it tightly. “Forget it.” he shrugged. “Very well.” He dropped his staff and clapped both of his hands. At once a mob of astronauts got out of cars and began to advance towards me. I clutched the ice cream tighter. I wanted a tasty treat and paid good money for this, no way would it be committed to the moon, it might end up melting. “We need it....” “give it to us...” Like zombies they advanced. I quickly turned and ran, breaking past two of the astronauts and bolting out of the parking lot...

Departure

Earlier this today Basil came bolting into the kitchen as I was standing around preparing my breakfast. “Cousin! I think I'm going to be off again!” I was quite startled. “So soon? It's only been a month!” He smiled and nodded. “Yes yes, you see I was just contacted by a friend of mine, he's found it.” “It what?” I asked. “It, as in the samovar of Czar Samovar of Russia!” I looked at him confused. “Such fortune can only be providence!” Basil remarked as he looked skyward. “You see, I came across that legendary tea of life in Africa. Now I believe I've found another.” He immediately began a rambling description. “The tea of Samovar is said to be tea of great wisdom, even more so than your normal tea would give you. His tomb was a well hidden place, but despite that rumors spoke of his samovar, which was given to him by Mongolians. It was he that popularized the heating implement in Russia, hence it's name. Anyway this tea of wisdom was stored in his samovar, which I've just found out, was buried with him. I'm meeting my friend in St. Petersburg and from there we will be embarking on a journey to the tomb. Now I can see you're wondering why the tea of wisdom is not located somewhere in the middle east around Jerusalem or in Greece, where the wisest men in the world were purported to live. According to my studies in tea lore, the ancient bush, from which this tea was obtained was in Jerusalem. It may have been the burning bush that spoke to Moses in the Old Testament, I have come across some speculation that the bush was planted outside of the temple before it's destruction. However I can not go to this bush because it was either destroyed or stolen during the crusades. My guess would be that it was destroyed, possibly even earlier because there would be other legendarily wise individuals recorded. However, there are some colleagues of mine who think that the bush was stolen and that it is kept hidden by the Illuminati...” “You're leaving then?” Bella suddenly interrupted. We both turned to look at her. “To Russia?” She asked. “Yes, it is time for me to be off again, in the search of tea!” She nodded quietly and left the room. Basil's constant smiled faded for a moment before he relapsed into the details of the tea's origin, including a force of Russian crusaders who obtained a portion of the bush without knowing what it was. Bella returned with resolve in her face. “Basil.” She started. “Would you mind if I would accompany you?” I inhaled sharply, something about this request hit me hard. Basil turned and smiled at her. “It will be dangerous most likely.” She nodded. “All the better, it'd be dull otherwise.” His smiled got even larger and he nodded. “Indeed, cheers!” She shouted as he lifted his cup of tea and downed the rest. “Our flight leaves at 3 O' Clock today!” He announced as he scampered off to his room to pack. Bella looked at me. “I'm sorry, it wouldn't be right otherwise.” I nodded silently. She approached me and gave me a farewell hug. “We'll be back before you know it.” It was the we that cut straight to my core...

Meat baby new year!

Well Happy New Year to everyone! I hope you're end of the celebration all went well. I, for one had a marvelous, uneventful time. As we toasted to the New Year, a year filled with potential I began to imagine a year absent of the constant random and often dire circumstances that seemed to find their way to my door. Could this new year be a year of quiet reflection by fires with books? Could it be a time of quiet cups of tea. I suppose, having a half cousin like Basil automatically excludes a quiet cup of tea. At any rate I finished the year quite happy. And so I entered into 2007, just as everyone else upon this round world of ours. Why did I not suspect, that as I celebrated a rather unscrupulous individual was making their way to my house. We returned home and slept soundly. The plans for my New Years were to have a nice meal. Often pork and sauerkraut is what we eat, I had the ingredients in the fridge. As I was bustling about getting things prepared someone knocked at my front door. I peered around the corner. The Rotting Corpse Boy, whom we've just been calling Rodney as of late, answered the door. There stood a creature I had never seen before. He hastily pushed his way in past Rodney. “I...erm...need to find the New Year's Baby...I am an official person, and it is important.” I looked at him, from his strange legs to the umbrella he kept open, even indoors. “Right.” I replied as I returned to my work. The Rotting Corpse Boy walked over to me and whispered. “He's a creature from the depths of the earth, I heard about them when I was buried for so long.” The creature, who must have had impeccable ears looked at us. “I am not from deep in the earth, I am instead from your place of leadership, looking for the New Year's Baby!” “Why would we even have such a thing?” Rodney asked. “It is here, I know it.” The creature insisted. “Deep in the ear...I mean in the official building of your elected officials, I encountered a man by the name of G. George Fatts III. He told me of this place, where the baby was.” The Rotting Corpse Boy scratched his head. I pulled him aside. “This guy's not going to leave, G. George has a bit of a grudge against me, and wherever he met this fellow he told him a magnificent lie, just to give us a hard time, we've got to think of something.” Rodney nodded. He went to the counter and quickly grabbed a lump of meat that had been sitting there to thaw. I, meanwhile engaged this creature, he of course, gave very pathetic answers and told me a very pathetic cover story. “So are you an aide to the Emperor or something?” I asked. “Yeah, that's...um that's it.” He tried to smile. Clearly, we had no Emperor, this guy was really lying. Just then the Rotting Corpse Boy returned, holding the lump of meat, however it was made up like a baby. “This is it, our New Year's Baby.” He frowned as he handed it to the creature. Immediately after receiving it the monster chortled. “FOOLS! Now we, the people from deep in the earth have taken your infant of opportunity, this New Year! Now we shall be the ones who can revel in glory at the prospect of new potential!” He let out a raspy laugh as he rushed out the front door, in his haste forgetting to bring his umbrella. As he exited the sunlight hit his eyes. He shook his head and began to stagger around. We both watched as he wandered back to us. “the sun is really bright, can I get my umbrella?” We gave it to him and off he ran, laughing darkly as he went. I looked at Rodney and shrugged, this year was bound to hold something worth experiencing indeed...

Happy (falling into pits with unscrupulous looking elves) Christmas!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, mine consisted of seeing my family, giving gifts, and fleeing from space gnats, I'll have to write about it sometime. Here's another wallpaper for your desktop!

At least he was wearing clothes!

Yesterday evening was quite pleasant. I took a walk and just enjoyed my evening. However, that was quickly ruined by a stereotypically jolly fat man. Of course, this being so close to the season of Christmas I should have foreseen a seasonal-related adventure in my future. However I did not, at least not until Santa Claus himself rode up on a motorcycle! He stopped right in front of me and grinned. “Hello there Faux.” I looked him right in his icy blue eyes. “Santa?” He nodded. “Yes indeed.” I sighed. “What's with the bike, shouldn't you be really busy right now?” He stared at me and then motioned to his wheels. “Oh this thing? The elves built it for me, I just couldn't give it up.” I nodded in response and hesitantly continued this odd conversation. “Don't you have a whole other 51 weeks in the year to ride that?” His grin vanished. “What are you saying?” I didn't reply. “Are you saying I'm a slacker because I'm on this bike?” I held my lounge. “Well if that IS what you are saying than you would be RIGHT in assuming I'm a slacker and that I am ESCAPING my duties as Santa Claus FOREVER.” I nodded again. “Okay well whatever, it's not like I really believed in you anyway.” The fat man continued. “But you are making me understand my responsibilities, I'm beginning to grasp the MAGNITUDE of a Santa-less world. In fact, you are so convincing that I no longer even feel FIT to do my job. In fact, you are CONVINCING me that YOU would do a much better job.” “Santa what?” “Yes, you are CLEARLY the best person for the job Faux, I trust you know what to do, here's my huge sack full of STUFF for everybody, I know you won't fail the entire WORLD.” “WHAT!?! Santa, firstly what is with all the emphasis on so many words, you talk really lame-like. Secondly I never even said anything about taking your job, I was just saying that you probably shouldn't be taking breaks right now.” “No no, it is TOO LATE for me now Faux, with TEARS in my eyes I depart from you, FAREWELL new Santa...” Santa finished as he revved up his engine and drove away. I was suddenly left with all of the gifts and a really long list, standing in the middle of the road. “This is ridiculous.” I thought. “This Santa guy is a jerk...” I had no idea what to do, I couldn't even move the bag. But just at that moment a postman was driving by. At once I had an idea and quickly took care of this strange problem. I had to by about 3 billion padded envelopes but I finally managed to send all of the gifts via the postal service. Now I'm going to make a cup of Basil's tea, because seriously this whole episode has made me a little more likely to boycott Santa next year...

!!!

I looked to the door. “Who is it?” I asked. No one answered. “Basil, hold that thought.” I said as I moved to open the door. I began to turn the knob and suddenly Basil stood up. “Wait!!” But it was too late. I found, when I opened the door, a beautiful lady. “Why hello dears, I am the EXCLAMATION SIREN!” I looked at Basil expecting an explanation. “Well there was a beggar woman back near mount Rococo. I gave her a bit of the eternitea and suddenly she became the exclamation siren.” He shook his head. “She leveled an entire village with her mastery of the exclamation point.” “How?” Bella asked. “There are rules. You see, one denotes surprise and/or shock...nothing too bad. Two, creates an unquenchable urge to thrash drums, gnash spoons, and smash trailers. Three places one into a state of coma and four...four causes death...” I turned to look at this creature, suddenly she did not seem quite so beautiful. “How do you get around exclamation points, what's the loophole?” I asked. Basil scratched his head. “Well, it was an invisible number of sorts, you kind of have to just recognize the fact that between every exclamation point there is an invisible number that neutralizes it. When you can see that you will be safe.” The siren lifted her arms and behind her faint images of exclamation appeared. I began to feel the urge to kill something. But then, I began to see, superimposed over every point...the number 5. “Siren!” I shouted. “You have no power over exclamation here!!” She flinched. “I know the secret of the invisible 5!” She twitched and suddenly screamed as she turned and bolted out the front door and into the street. I have no idea where she went from there, but spread the news of the invisible 5, she may be coming for you....

I doubt it...

Basil looked at Bella as he began telling his tale. “You see, while on my travels I heard of seven varieties of legendary tea. They were the first kinds, hidden long ago for they carried with them, great power. The kind you hold in your hands is a variety said to extend the life of anyone who drinks a cup. There is a story of an African king who found this tea and hid it. He ruled for a thousand years.” “What happened to him?” Bella asked. “Well, he ruled for so long that he forgot what it was like to have the notion of death over your head. He became distant from the people and began ruling badly. Eventually they found the source of tea and drowned him. However, the people deemed the tea to be a thing of the gods and placed it a high mountain.” “How did you get it then?” I questioned him. He looked at me and smiled. “I went to that village.” With a wave of his hand he explained that during the French invasion in Africa there was a mountain which they named the Rococo mountain. “Rococo? Like the French style of painting?” I asked skeptically. “Indeed, it was the favorite style of art, named by the French commander who took control of the land.” He shook his head. “Anyway, to the French this mountain was legendary for some reason, there was a great treasure, rumored to be at its peak. This peak, was quite impossible to reach. Some people told me it was guarded by a French pirate who wished to continue his life and refused to yield this ultimate booty. I went to that village and spoke to the mayor. He led me far out into the bush and left me, saying that I would find the people I seek. I sat there all day, and all night, never moving, even through the heat and the cold. And then, just before daybreak a crowd of shadows gathered around me. They asked me what I desired. I told them what I sought and they conversed for a while. Eventually they told me to shed my clothes and follow them.” “Wait.” I looked at Bella. “You were traipsing through a jungle naked with a tribe of people you didn't know? This sounds ridiculous, why were you naked?” basil smiled again. “They didn't tell me at first but I figured out that in order to reach the treasure one must shed all that makes them prideful. Only with humility can one find the treasure they seek. You know, like the holy grail.” “Yes but did Sir Galahad have to shed his clothes for the grail?” Basil shrugged. “I assure you cousin, my story is true.” He went on to explain a long and arduous trek through the dense jungle. And then finally a treacherous climb to the top of the mountain, eventually it was just him, the members of this tribe did not even follow him to the top. There, at the pinnacle was a sculpted relief of the millennial king's face. On top of that was the tea, sat in an enchanted satchel. “I reached it and drew two leaves from it's pouch to examine them. They glowed with energy.” He finished. I shook my head skeptically, since our youth Basil always exaggerated...and then there was a knock at the door.

Dazzling Charm

The holiday is over, things were relaxing. Too relaxing in fact. Wednesday came and went, the preparations were made and I found myself curling up with a good book. I should have seen it then, when do I ever have time to read with my life anyway? There was a knock. By now one would suppose that I'd stop answering knocks, after nearly getting stabbed by the psychotic neighbors or dragged into the underworld, one would expect an aversion to answering the door. Now that I think about it, why am I always the one answering? Why doesn't the Rotting Corpse Boy do it? At any rate, I answered it and boy was I surprised. In through the door burst my bold, yet charming half cousin Basil Sterling. Basil spends most of his time traveling the world procuring various fine quality teas. Sometimes I am quite jealous of him. The other thing about Basil is that he seems to be the master of charm. If anyone was dividing up shares when we were born I would have accused Basil of stealing the charming shares of at least eight other people. Bandits have sidearms and daggers, rulers have armies, Basil has charm. At once I was seeing little stars appearing all around him as he flashed us his dazzling smile. Sometimes I doubt that we are even half cousins. “Dearest cousin...” He started. “I have returned for some time from my travels and will be needing a place to stay, would you be able to spare a bed?” I sighed, of course this always seems to happen. Why do I have so many empty beds in my house anyway? I really should look into that. “Yes Basil, there's a bed open for you.” Basil bowed his head. “Thank you so much, I appreciate this.” He launched a small satchel of tea towards me. I caught it and he smirked. “That is some very rare tea I managed to...procure while on my journeys, There is quite a story about it indeed...”

Home Again...

I made it home from the Underworld just in time to see Bella bringing a large turkey into the house. That's right, it's thanksgiving! Happy Turkey Day! (This image is also a gift! It can double as a desktop background too if you don't mind the bars on the top or bottom)

Under and Out...

With a sad look on her face the Queen of Seasons lifted her hands. The breezes blew and all seasons seemed to occur all at once. The phantoms around us in the underworld suddenly seemed to pay attention. Before that point they seemed self-absorbed but now all gave their attention. This may have been the first time a breeze ever passed the turf of the underworld, it was as if the memories of those phantoms grew thick in the air. I began to have difficulty breathing, or was it then that I realized that my entire time in the underworld had been spent not breathing? Now that I was I felt a very small amount of air reach my lungs, I gasped, shocked by the sudden turn of events. The Queen of seasons turned to me. “My child, you were not supposed to dwell here so long, the look of this place has had its effect upon you and you have completed the task at hand. Return to your home and leave these matters in the hands of those who can handle them.” I tried stepping towards her but all things seemed to fade into a dark purple cloud. Before that happened though, I saw the Empress of Spring growing rapidly older as the cloud of her youth was stripped away by the Queen of Seasons. “This is what is necessary for Spring to happen again. If you choose to leave then the power that has granted your beauty shall leave you. The Empress looked distressed while the Queen looked on with a strange sense of calm. That was the last thing i saw before I found myself swirling through space, only to find myself at home once more, the place I had left a full month earlier...

A Dire Deed to be Done

I've managed to find yet another e-mail terminal while here in the underworld. It hasn't been easy, that is for certain. I crashed through the glass, unharmed but very frightened by the wrath of the Spring Empress. She loomed over me and grinned fiendishly. “What was the point of this? The elaborate scene of getting locked in the cage acting as a prisoner for the Autumn King?” “I could have left, but they would have brought me back. Instead if I were to be captured then my rescuers could all meet untimely ends until the rescue attempts decease...” I shook my head, unaware of what powers this creature had at her disposal. “Unfortunately you will be the first to meet his end, for I grew tired of my position as the Spring ruler. It is beautiful and wonderful, but I can do it no longer, the sum of creation is too vast to be limited to one tower for all eternity...” “You must return, what happens to the world if you do not?” She shrugged. “I don't rightly know, it has never happened that a season wanted to leave. Perhaps they have been late or early, but never has one wished to leave. I have done this of my own accord, and now I choose to go to a place from which I can never return from.” With all that said she sighed and held out her hand, a wilted flower appeared. She gazed at it with glassy eyes before extending it to me. I was just about to touch it when it flew from her hand. It buzzed through the air until another received it. “I am the Queen of Seasons.” She announced eloquently. It seemed that the very air disturbed by her breath glowed with a bit of light. “I have been told from the Autumn King that things have become dire.” The Empress of Spring looked silently at the Queen before speaking. “It is not true, things were not that bad...” The Queen closed her eyes. “Enough! I have heard it all, what you desire now and what you have become...In all the time since the foundation of the world have I never done what I am about to do. But as the Autumn King did say, things have become dire indeed...”

The Prince of the Past...

This is a special post, in flavor with the season I will now recount the tale of the Rotting Corpse boy who has come to live in my home. He first told me this story as we journeyed back from Castcom. His name was Prince Agmett. He lived in the kingdom of the ancient Minoans. Perhaps you have heard of them...perhaps not. But Prince Agmett was a noble Prince and he lived during a time of darkness. In his life his Mother, the Queen passed away. HE was unable to cope with her death, so young and so bold he was! In light of her death he declared that he refused to believe in actual death ever again. She had left him but certainly there was a way to thwart this cruel force? He went to every magician, he sought every oracle and sage, and yet no answer to death could be found. He never ceased to search, knowing that in his heart he banished the acceptance of death altogether. But death reaches us all does it not? It came even to Agmett. The capital was attacked by invaders and soon Agmett found himself fighting in the midst of a large army. He was slain that day by a sword of bronze. He drifted for a long time, through mist and through night, refusing to accept his death even though it had happened. However, it seems his will was so strong that he found himself face to face with the great Rhoades, the bull god of death. Rhoades stared at him. “You are refusing death?” Agmett stood silent. “Your belief in no death is so strong even though you have trekked through it for so long?” “This may be an illusion to tempt me to surrender my idea, but that is something I can never do.” Rhoades was impressed. “A challenge then, I shall charge you and you must leap over me, if you can do that and dodge my flames then I shall grant you the power to remain alive. In essence you shall be immortal.” Agmett accepted, knowing that this is what he had been seeking. Rhoades stood half a universe away and charged. Agmett , who hung in the air prepared himself. The Minoans used to have a bull-jumping festival each year, dedicated to Rhoades. Who could have known that Agmett would one day be leaping over the god himself?The flames nearly reached him but he made it over completely unharmed. Rhoades conceded defeat. It was at that moment that Agmett awoke once more. From his slumber he stirred, only to find himself trapped in a large stone tomb from which he could not escape. And so he waited, for a very long time, until a band of archaeologists discovered the city. They broke the stone sealing the tomb. Agmett waited again. Then, at night he pulled himself free from the tomb. He was badly decomposed by this point. He could never return to the world of men in his current state. It was then he heard Rhoade's voice in his head. The god had joined with him, was it his power sustaining Agmett? The bull-god suggested piecing together a new body, since Agmett could not transition out of the one he had. The former prince deliberated a long time but finally made his decision. Was it due to a cruel twist of fate? A group of archaeologists were there late one night and he saw Agmett and shouted for the others. Agmett quickly had to silence him. Ultimately it was Rhoades that did it. Agmett reached out his hand and Rhoades appeared and slew the man. Was the blood on Agmett's hands now? This body would decompose just as the prince's had. Could he truly allow it to go to waste? And that is how he began, by piecing together what he could from that dead man. The other archaeologists in that group found him but Rhoades dealt with them as well. Soon he had built himself a new shell, but that was not the end of Agmett's tale. The dig, financed by a powerful organization, claimed all that was found. They discovered a way to suppress the power of Rhoades and capture the prince. That is how he became the prisoner of Castcom and that is where I found him several months ago...
Happy Halloween!

Even in Nilfheim...

The longer I dwell in the Underworld the more and more dead I begin to feel and look. I know I am paler than before, it is as if I'm already making that transition. I rode the Ski Doo as far as I could. At least until I reached Nilfheim. You see, the underworld is vast, and each name of the underworld, whether it be Sheol, Hell, Hades, or Nilfheim is really a mere district in the giant city of the dead, Necroplystyalias. I reached this city. And in the district of Nilfheim I found the Empress. There is a tree of all the pleasures on earth, good and bad. It is rooted here. It is quite funny actually, a Solarelks coffee was built at the base, I know they are everywhere up top but even in the underworld! I entered looking for a drink, the temptation down there was far too great. But I never bought a drink, because as I entered I saw her. The Spring Empress, an 8 dollar Mocha in hand. (It costs a lot to import coffee down there evidently) She looked at me. “Are you the Spring Empress?”. I expected to look for a cage and a sneering Winter King. “Indeed I am, who are you?” She replied loftily. “Faux LeRoy, I am here to save you.” I said, my resolve breaking with each word. She smiled. “Poor fool, I bet the Autumn King sent you here. Little did he know I came here of my own accord!” I scratched my head. “What does this mean?” Her eyes flashed gold. “I imagine you will inform him I do not wish to go.” I nodded. “You are a fool for coming here, and you shall never again leave!” She exclaimed as the store began rattling. I desperately jumped through the front windows as they exploded with the force of her might...